I believe the emotional pain I experienced as a child cannot be quantified. The disappointment of a rich boy who does not get the car he wants is no greater than the disappointment of a poor boy who does not get his BB gun. There is no scale of 1 to 10. The tears I shed are no more or less than another person 's tears. The pain I endured is no more or less than another person 's pain.
I write this because some people tend to express the idea that I had one of the worst childhood's imaginable. That somehow, my struggles diminish theirs, leaving them with very little to complain about. I understand where they're coming from, but I also don't believe my childhood is a valid measure of anyone else's nor do I believe that the pain of one person should lessen the pain of another.
I also believe it's wrong for people to expect me to forgive those that abused me and forget the abuse. I have accepted it, but will never forgive them. With acceptance, I no longer struggle with the past. I have learned from those bad experiences and they are just as much a part of me as any good experiences. I am at peace with it all.
This is not a contradiction that the innocent seven year-old boy still exists within me longing for Momma or that acceptance would have resolved that need. It means I have accepted he exists within me. Sometimes, late at night, when I’m thinking of Momma and the tears begin, I am grateful that I can feel the lost love. I am most human when this occurs.